Our Tiny, Useless Hearts

'Witty, observant, laugh-out-loud funny. It's rare to find a novel that keeps you laughing as this one does; the characters are sharply drawn and frighteningly familiar and the story never stops throwing up surprises. I loved it.' - Graeme Simsion, author of The Rosie Project

Henry has ended his marriage to Caroline and run off with his daughter's teacher, Martha. Caroline, having shredded a wardrobe-full of Henry's suits, has gone after them.

Craig and Lesley have dropped over from next door to catch up on the fallout from Henry and Caroline's all-night row.

And Janice, Caroline's sister, is staying for the weekend to look after the children because Janice is the sensible one.

Then Craig enters through the bedroom window expecting a tryst with Caroline and finds Janice instead, Lesley storms in full of threats, Henry, Caroline and Martha arrive back from the airport in separate taxis - and let's not even get started on Brendan the pizza guy.

Janice can cope with all that. But when her ex-husband Alec knocks on the door things suddenly get complicated...

'A new Toni Jordan is always a special pleasure and her latest is a wonderful, witty treat of a novel: cutting and clever, and yet so very romantic, as though P.G. Wodehouse had satirised life in the suburbs.' - Liane Moriarty, author of The Husband's Secret



Toni Jordan has a BSc. in physiology and qualifications in marketing and professional writing. Her debut novel,

Addition, was a Richard and Judy Bookclub pick, was longlisted for the Miles Franklin Literary Award and has been published in sixteen countries.

Fall Girl was published internationally and has been optioned for film, and

Nine Days was awarded Best Fiction at the Indie Awards, was shortlisted for the ABIA Best General Fiction award and was named in

Kirkus' top 10 Historical Novels. Toni lives in Melbourne, where she is a co-director of the Faber Academy's Writing a Novel course.



Laugh-out-loud funny, yet with real emotion at its core, this is a sexy-smart rom-com about love and marriage for fans of Graeme Simsion's

The Rosie Project or David Nicholls'

Us. I loved it.



Toni Jordan, an elegant and informed writer who might also have shone as a stand-up comedian, is just the writer to catch the merriment of farce as it flies and flick it back between the book covers.



That Toni Jordan's new novel manages to be a full-length fiction that simultaneously operates as a hugely enjoyable farce and an emotionally rich domestic drama is a testament to her skills as a writer and the charm of her voice.



Three couples go under the lens in this clever and moving comedy about love and marriage. A hilarious and romantic treat



Jordan exploits her gift for dialogue to very funny effect... When Jordan is not being funny, her writing is crisp and clever... It's an unusual novel that is both ludicrous and bittersweet, but

Our Tiny, Useless Hearts is exactly that.



A highly entertaining romp through the complexities of modern relationships...

Our Tiny Useless Hearts is loads of fun and clever too... A relationship drama with a deftly light touch, and will appeal to fans of romance and screwball comedy.



This is a funny, cleverly written story about the ups and downs of relationships and the fallout from indiscretion. The haphazard geometry of these suburban love triangles channels slapstick lunacy and farce so effectively, you can almost hear

The Benny Hill Show theme playing in the background.



Brimming with sarcastic humour.



Really, really funny.



An unusual and intriguing novel, written with a very light touch.



Toni Jordan's debut is mature, witty and entertaining.