When we quit sabotaging intimacy in our relationships by demanding unconditional love, we discover something much greater—the deeply satisfying, transformational love that is companionship.

In these pages psychologist KellyFlanagan shows how each of us has within ourselves, exactly the way we are, the gifts that are needed to cultivate the life-long relationships we are longing for, whether it is within marriage or friendship. He shows us how self-knowledge leads the way to growing in love for both God and others. He shows us how understanding our own loneliness can help us relieve the pressure on our companions. And he shows us how understanding our own psychological and emotional defenses can help us to make thechoice to love more vulnerably.

More than a marriage book, this is a companionship book. Anyone—from single young adults to elderly married couples, from the divorced to the widowed, from siblings to friends—can benefit from the wisdom it uncovers about what it means to be human and to be true companions.

Groups, couples, and individuals can use the companion study guide for five sessions on how to show up in your most important relationships.



Kelly Flanagan (PhD, Pennsylvania State University) is a clinical psychologist, popular speaker, and the author of The Marriage Manifesto, Loveable, and True Companions. He has also written for publications such as Christianity Today, Reader's Digest, and Huffington Post, and he has appeared on the TODAY Show with his daughter. He lives in Dixon, Illinois, with his wife who is also named Kelly, and their three children.







Ian Morgan Cron is a bestselling author, nationally recognized speaker, Enneagram teacher, counselor, Dove Award–winning songwriter, and Episcopal priest. His books include the novel Chasing Francis and spiritual memoir Jesus, My Father, the CIA, and Me. His most recent book is The Story of You: An Enneagram Journey to Becoming Your True Self. He and his wife, Anne, live in Nashville, Tennessee.



Foreword by Ian Morgan Cron

What You Need to Know



Part 1: Grow Quiet—Befriending Your Loneliness

A Letter to My Wife—Before We Belong to Each Other, I Must First Belong to Myself

1. Abandonment Is Not Loneliness

2. Neither Is Shame

3. Nor Is Isolation

4. A Cautionary Note About the Digital Crowd

5. You Are a Great and Precious Thing

6. So Learn How to Be Alone

7. Maybe Even Find God in It

8. And Let Someone Standwith You for a While

A Letter to My Wife—You Are My Destination



Part 2: Grow Strong—Embracing Your Struggle

A Letter to My Wife—Love Goes the Long Way

9. Observe Your Protections

10. Anger

11. Peacefaking

12. Certainty

13. Yessing

14. Competition

15. Withdrawal

16. Fixing

17. Helicoptering

18. And Excitement

A Letter to My Wife—Thank You for the Moments Between the Magic



Part 3: Grow Old—Cherishing Your Time

A Letter to My Wife—The Whole Thing Is Inconceivable

19. Time Isn't Money, It's Mortality

20. And Remember, Bodies Matter

21. So Go Elderly Slow

22. Fear (Not) Missing Out

23. Laugh Out Loud

24. Let Your Memories Gather

25. Rust into Something Beautiful

26. And Trade Your Strength with Each Other

27. Until Death Do You Part

A Letter to My Wife—A Timeless Reunion



Acknowledgments

Notes